Requiem of a Lightbulb

Eulogy of Edwin C. Wattage (ALL of fictional Edwin's maladies from CFL's can happen--just sayin')

     We are all going to miss Edwin badly.  If only he hadn't sat so close to the lamp with the compact florescent light bulb--a CFL.  All he ever wanted was to read romance novels--is that asking too much?  Should a person get cancer just from wanting to read a book with Fabio on the cover? Poor Edwin who never was much to look at anyway--getting severe UV ray burns...from a CFL light bulb, for crying out loud!  How was he suppose to know that long lasting CFL's would give him a face the color of ketchup? After all those years of carefully applying SPF 80 for sun protection--who would have guessed he needed to lather up before reading by the CFL? It just brings tears to your eyes.  
     Oh, and the mercury! Bless Edwin's soul, how did he know that knocking over his lamp during a particularly vapid Romance Novel Climax, accidentally shattering the CFL and sweeping it up would be a BAD IDEA? It was poor timing that his toxic waste bio-hazard outfit was at the cleaners that day.  
     All this was tragic enough, but we'll never know for sure if he wanted to just end it all when he put that last fateful CFL in the socket with a dimmer switch.  Did he know CFL's in a dimmer can cause a FIRE?  It proved to be his final bright flash of light before eternal darkness.  Poor Ed, rest in peace! 
©5/2012  Jana B Patrick

FYI:  From The CBS Early Show (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703445904576118530602868542.html) The hosts were praising the government's 2007 energy bill which will phase out traditional incandescent Edison bulbs in January 2013.  The hosts like the CFL's--good for the environment, use less energy etc-but the part of the dialog below has me scratching my head:

Wragge said: "And the CFLs are also better for the environment and that's one of the big reasons behind this push." Cochran admitted: "Well, yes and no. I mean, they're burning less carbon or creating less carbon. But when you get rid of them, there's a little bit of mercury in them....So I wouldn't say they're necessarily better for the environment, at the end, if you break them." Wragge added: "And you also have to be very careful of them...they can break very easily." Cochran made a suggestion: "Yeah, you don't want to, maybe, use them in your kids' room where they can knock it over and the mercury inside can possibly – you know, mercury is not something you want to play around with."

At one point, Cochran explained: "Sometimes they [CFLs] have to be recycled or your city or your county may require a certain method of getting rid of them." The Environmental Protection Agency has a three-page manual describing how to properly clean up a broken CFL bulb. The "before cleanup" steps include: "a.) Have people and pets leave the room. b.) Air out the room for 5-10 minutes by opening a window or door. c.) Shut off the central forced air heating/air conditioning system, if you have one."

My friend Carol W's comment:   

yeah...I was aware of the mercury--but not the other UV danger--or that they wear out if you turn them on and off! A ways back--I had puchased a nice "costco size" pack of the 'mercury bulbs" (as I like to call them)... and of course I broke one. got on my hands and knees--nose close to the floor for the final clean-up. They shatter into micro sized bits like nobodys biz! Had to use the wet paper towel method to clean it up completely (and I'm sure I didn't get it all!). Weeks later I was thowing the box away and something, in very tiny print, caught my eye. Guess what it was? The little bit about there being mercury in them! Good grief! Me and my dogs walked in it AND inhaled it! criminy !!!!

I came across some info on the subject that is both good news and bad. The industry has an alternative to the 'mercury bulb"... it will be free of harmfull chemicals and last (I think) some incredible long period of years! However, they will be mighty expensive! I think the laws were changed to 'out-law' normally bulbs a bit too soon!