Breaking Out

(I wrote this piece a year ago and was reminded of it as my daughter’s hockey team split two games with St. Catherine this last weekend)

(Jan. 2011)  My daughter Alana’s St. Olaf College hockey team played my Alma Mater, St. Catherine University, at Ridder Arena on the campus of the University of Minnesota. It brought back the memory of when, in the fall of 2004, I played the same opponent at the same venue…And that’s where any similarities end.

There was to be a St. Catherine hockey scrimmage and any alumnae, no matter what their skating ability, were invited to participate. I like to skate--how hard could this be? I had heard through the grapevine that some women who graduated with me had played in the event the year before, and they had no more training than I—it would be fun to see them again. The sum total of my experience was having played about twenty pickup games with a bunch of middle aged moms.  Why not give it a go?

First of all, none of the women I know showed up, and I soon found out why.  While standing on the blue line at Ridder Arena, our names and years of graduation were announced over the loudspeaker.  “Jana Patrick, 1979.” The player next to me observed, “I wasn't even born yet.” (Thanks)  The next closest alumnae had just graduated!!  We were playing against the current St. Catherine’s varsity team for crying out loud!!!  The arena darkened as The Star Spangled Banner melodiously described the ‘perilous fight’ and ‘the home of the brave’, and I was imaging myself anywhere but on that sheet of ice.  We had just finished warm-ups where I wasn’t sure what end of the rink to be on as everyone was wearing purple. Players had been accelerating around the zones, pucks careening hard off the boards and ice shavings flying off their speeding blades which all added to my increasing confusion.  Backwards Russian Circles?  Me? Really???

On my first shift the referee had to bodily re-position me on the correct side of the face-off circle.  The players smiled encouragingly and were so nice to this bumbling mom who really had no clue. I soon flew back to the bench and said I would like to be a spectator. My team told me I was doing just fine and coaxed me out for another shift. Being the good sports that they were, they quickly passed me the puck.   ...And I shot on the wrong net. But it didn’t matter.  My shot was so wide it missed by a mile. “Good pass,” they cheered as I returned to and remained firmly on the bench…and when no one was looking I slunk out the back of the players’ box and bolted for the locker room.

Thanks, girls—it was…fun? Albeit briefly, you helped me give it the old college try.
 ©1/2011  Jana B Patrick

The Hair of the Dog

"Mom!  No wonder you have insomnia!" complained our exhausted son Ryan when house-sitting last year. Steve and I sleep on a rock.  It's true, even campers look for softer ground than what we endure nightly. About six years ago we bought a very expensive 'healthy' natural latex mattress (rock) from a catalog furniture club.  It was to last 20 years (most rocks do indeed have long lifespans) so, of course, Steve insists that it should.
I tried everything: A thick mattress pad. A deep feather bed topper--all the feathers settle where we are NOT sleeping thus creating small feather mountain ranges. 'Unhealthy' petroleum based memory foam toppers 2" thick, 4" thick, yet, while providing softness, they are hot, smelly and itchy. We even layered ALL of these things like in the fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea" only instead of feeling the pea under it all, we felt a slab of granite.
I finally convinced Steve we NEED a new mattress so we went to Macy's and bought one to arrive in a month. I hate wasting anything, so thought we should use the rock up at the cabin--maybe cut it in half for two twin beds. I was going to get one of those popular 1970's electric knives at Goodwill and have at it. (This idea makes no sense on so many levels--most of all, why torture our cabin guests?)
I did some nocturnal Internet research, and have put delivery of the pricey new mattress on hold. We will try one last thing--the 'hair of the dog'. I went to a store and tried a SOFT, healthy, talalay natural LATEX 3" topper to go over the old, hard latex mattress and it was darn comfortable. Who knew latex came in different levels of softness? Steve wants to go try it so we'll see!  Right now, I am writing this in the middle of the night while taking a break from Plymouth Rock.          ©2/2012  Jana B Patrick
('The hair of the dog':  An expression meaning a small drink to cure a hangover--original saying:  'A hair of the dog that bit me')

Natural Latex coming out of a Rubber Tree.
Who wouldn't immediately think "mattress" when seeing this stuff?

Duct Tape Night Stand--gotta see it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN06zru018s&feature=uploademail

Click on the youtube link above to Check out Lauren's latest bit of duct tape art!  She said she didn't have a plan ahead of time, just winged it as she went!  amazing!