Awww! I Paid $50 For That Shampoo!

WHAT IF there really were explosivs in one of those large bottles that gets tossed as you can't take more than 3 ounce containers of liquids through airport Security?  The mega barrels outside of Security are loaded with contraband water bottles, hair products, cigarette lighters, soda pop, toothpaste, Play-Doh, deodorant, and who knows what else. (With the thought that something in there COULD be lethal, it's a real safe location, huh?)  
So, what if the stuff DOES ignite? Given the huge amount of water and shampoo in the mix, the dire outcome would be an airport filled with a sudden intense spewing of mountainous, spuming bubbles.  ©1/2012  Jana B Patrick

  TSA guarding the bad stuff                       Concourse "B"

Death Warmed Over

    Skunks, ducks, chinchillas, reptiles--when growing up, my younger brother Johnny loved all creatures great and small.  He never asked my parents, he would just show up with something, like the time he brought home the canary.
     He gave it to our ten year old sister, Bridget, on Christmas Eve. She couldn't find it the next day to put it away before the long ride to Gramma's house. Where could it have gone? She had been playing with it a minute ago...   Bathtime, fourteen hours later, she was taking off her pants and...out rolled the very dead canary that had apparently crawled inside that morning.
     14 year old Johnny, never one to overlook a financial angle, was going to return the bird to the pet shop demanding a refund for damaged goods. He mummified it in toilet paper, stashed it in the glove box sarcophagus of the family car and promptly forgot about it.  And never told anyone.  That was January.
     About Mid April when it finally warmed up in Minnesota, a curiously awful, necrotic smell began to permeate the car...  To which Johnny exclaimed, "Oh yeah!! I still gotta get my money back!"  Which didn't happen because our mom tossed out the dead body on West 7th Street in downtown Minneapolis...
©1/2012  Jana B Patrick

Bridget and Tweety

                                       

Retired but not tired

My husband Steve has retired after working for 35 years.  People ask him what he's going to do all day.  His answer? He says now he's going to find out what I do all day.  
(I had to tell George Clooney he can't come over anymore.)


It's true that I never seem to get much accomplished during the day.  One of Steve's first days home he had worked out at the gym, went grocery shopping, chipped ice off the driveway, sorted through emails, paid the bills, walked the dog, and then said, "Ok, now what do I do?"  It was 9 a.m.


Golf season is on it's way!


CONGRATULATIONS, STEVE!!!  THANKS FOR ALL THE YEARS OF HARD WORK.  WELCOME HOME!!!
THEN:

200 Minnesotans You Should Know 

Stephen Patrick

CEO and President, BWBR Architects

April 2010 |

Twin Cities Business Journal

                                                             NOW:                                                                                     

Two Minnesotans Who Love Having Grampa Home!

    Guiding Future Architect
         John's 3M Project
©1/2012  Jana B Patrick

Lost in the Translation

"Do you ever use crack pot?"
Our 27 year old  friends, Darren and Arlene from Northern Ireland, dropped their jaws when I apparently asked this question as part of our dinner conversation recently.  What I really asked about in my Midwestern American accent was a 'crock pot,' you know--a slow cooker.
It was cold and rainy when we arrived at their home, so I had on sweat pants over jeans.  Forgetting that 'pants' means underwear over there, I said, " I gotta take off my wet pants." Darren guffawed. 

 (The first time I made this verbal blunder was when Darren visited as an 11 year old thru a program to get kids out of Northern Ireland for the summer.  It was really hot and he was wearing 'trousers' instead of shorts so I said, "Darren, it's WAY too hot to wear pants, no one wears pants here in the summer; I don't wear pants,  Steve doesn't wear pants, the kids don't wear pants.  Pants are WAY too HOT." He blushed furiously and, strangely enough, I rarely saw any underwear in the laundry.)

When we visited a few years ago we were watching the telly and Arlene asked my daughters what kind of soaps (soap operas) we have in America.  Alana replied, "Chicken noodle?"

Arlene and Darren visited us while 'on holiday' (their word for vacation) 3 years ago, and at a store the cashier asked why they came to America.  "For a holiday!" beamed Arlene.  The cashier looked perplexed as Fourth of July was well past and Labor Day a month away, "What holiday?"  Now Arlene looked perplexed, and thought, 'what a stupid question.'  "THIS holiday," she replied.  I don't think the cashier asked her any more questions.
Lots of good laughs--the universal language!
©1/2012  Jana B Patrick


P.S.  Many years ago my friend Carol W. worked with some Irish kids that had come over to Minnesota for the summer.    "Jana .. I HAVE to tell you one story! I was talking, as best I could, with one Irish lad and all of a sudden he looked at me funny and leaned over the bar and planted a big "wet one" on me! I'm STILL wondering what  I said!"