Heart Attack, ack, ack, ack, ack, ack!

Short (FUNNY) video on Heart Attacks--Please Watch!
I thought 'how can this be funny...'
But it is great!  Please share!
Very well done, funny, but scary, too!

http://www.surreywellness.com/go-for-red-women-premiere-short-film-just-a-little-heart-attack/
Thanks for sending me this, Lynne!

Zumba For Dummies

I don't think they make ice packs large enough for all of my body parts that hurt. My St. Paul gym offered a 'Zumba' class tonight so I thought, "Why not?  It might be a good aerobic workout--whatever Zumba means." I guessed it meant we would zoom around the room a little.

Not quite so.  It is Latin dancing on steroids.  My hips do not do Latin dancing. I am built anatomically incorrect.  ---After all, my ancestors did the Polka.  The instructor, a young, energetic woman with hips that gyrated like a set of hyperactive maracas, was built for such movement. She was amazing.

I was at least two decades older than most of the participants who will likely go about their day tomorrow as if tonight's torture had simply energized them.  I, on the other hand, will appreciate why older people like homes with no stairs and use walkers.     
(P.S.  It really was fun--if you are into pain and humiliation in any small way.)
©9/2012  Jana B Patrick

World Champion Crepitationist

Lauren and Alana adored their older brother, Ryan, and fell for his tricks EVERY time. He would excitedly shout, "Hey girls!  I have something for you!"  Happy with anticipation his little sisters, five and six years his junior, would ALWAYS say, "What is it!!???"  He would run into the room, let loose a ripping fart, laugh devilishly, and bound away...

Boys grow up and nothing changes.  Below is a link to a 1946 radio broadcast of the Great Crepitation (fart) Contest. Scroll down to the 'Listen Now"  Listen as least to the part where the opponent from 'Australia' joins in the trumpeting. 
©9/2012  Jana B Patrick
http://randsesotericotr.podbean.com/2008/05/14/the-great-crepitation-contest-of-1946/

Everything You See I Owe to Spaghetti

The first thing I noticed from the air as we were landing back in the U. S. from Italy was the depressing sight of a giant McDonald's.  My daughter, Alana, and I had just spent eight days eating delicious, healthy, real food.
The Italian grocery store I went to had half the store devoted to fresh fish on beds of ice, gourmet cheeses, crusty bakery breads, miles of fresh vegetables and fruits and their 'to go' foods were homemade lasagnas, grilled vegetables, and savory sandwiches of prosciutto and goat cheese.  Italy's truck stops had shelves of home made cheeses and Delis complete with chefs; the condiment counters had 27 varieties of olive oil.

In America, if  'food' doesn't have 57 additives we eye it with suspicion.  If it doesn't have a shelf life of 35 years we forsake it.  Cerulean Blue, Bubblegum Pink and Day-Glo Green are considered acceptable food colors.  'Homemade' means making something from a box. And most importantly, our edibles must be breaded and deep fried to be recognized for human consumption. 

Italian Quote:  "Everything you see I owe to spaghetti." -- Sophia Loren

American Quotes:  "Everything you see I owe to SpaghettiOs."  Rosanne Barr  (I'm kidding!) 

  "My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people." -- Orson Welles

"Never eat more than you can lift." -- Miss Piggy, Muppet 

"Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin 

"Give me liberty or... OOOooor... A jelly donut!" -— Homer Simpson
©9/2012  Jana B Patrick