Coffee, Tea or Lysol?

So many people are sick!  Germs are lurking everywhere. I remember reading one of the Laura Ingles Wilder books set in the 1800's and, on the train car she was traveling in, there was a pitcher of water and ...one drinking glass for all passengers to share.  
Oh, yeah, they still do that at Catholic Mass...  

We took a train out west several years ago and our dining car attendant (we called her 'Pinkie') had raging pink-eye. She would set our table, rub her eye, then write down our order and...hand me her pen to sign the slip...I recall the undisguised horror on Lauren and Alana's faces.  We would then race for the bathroom, wash up, and go back to our meal most likely prepared by coughing, sputtering kitchen crew dudes with pink-eye compliments of 'Pinkie'.  
(Just to really set the mood, think about all that while bouncing and clattering along the tracks at 6 a.m., with a carload of unshowered passengers, eating runny fried eggs.)
©1/2013  Jana B Patrick,  janasrandomwriting.blogspot.com   

The Toilet Paper Blues

I sent Ryan's wife, Caroline, home with a package of toilet paper, and she said, "Oh! WE love this kind, where do you get it?!"  I said, "What's this 'we' business?  You mean you discuss how much you like particular brands of toilet paper?"  (Aren't they fun?) 
(I do love you guys--happy 5th anniversary in December!) 
( Aside:  Where will their conversations degrade to by their 25th??  :))

I showed my college age daughter, Lauren, this story and she said, "Hey, I get this; when you're a poor college student (or young marrieds) you DO talk about how crappy the scratchy one-ply is!"

I asked Caroline permission to print this blog, and here is her reply: 
"HAHAHA!!! Yes, you can post this! I very much remember this! Lol!  I was thinking of it tonight when John (4) sneezed through our one-ply!" 
©1/2013  Jana B Patrick,  janasrandomwriting.blogspot.com       

John Wayne toilet paper – Military term used to describe the low grade toilet paper found in the MRE accessory packet. Called so because it’s rough, tough and don’t take sh!t off of anybody. Can also be used in place of extra fine grit sandpaper when refinishing furniture. For a humorous history of toilets see my blog "Loo Loo, Skip to my Loo"  http://janasrandomwriting.blogspot.com/2011/05/loo-loo-skip-to-my-loo-skip-to-my-loo.html

Jello: Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder

On my very first day of my first 'real' job in a Minnesota nursing home kitchen, I forgot to put 150 bowls of red Jello on the food trays.  When my misdeed was discovered by my betters--three older high school girls training me in--they made me sit down and eat as much of the evidence as I could.  I stopped at about 40...
After six years there, including serving enough Jello to rival Mt. Kilimanjaro, I never wanted to see or taste the vile stuff again.

Fast forward to lunch at a deli when my daughter, Lauren, was about eight.
"Pick out anything you want," I said.
"WHAT is that DELICIOUS looking FOOD?!" she asked, pointing to a Jello salad. ...She loved it. 
Feeling a little guilty that my kids had never experienced the cancerous colored concoction, that week I decided to make some Jello at home.  My twelve year old son, Ryan, opened the refrigerator and spied something green bouncing wildly on the shelf. "MOM! what is this CRAP in the FRIDGE?!"

Growing up Non-Jello:  Were my kids deprived ?...or NOT deprived?
©1/2013  Jana B Patrick,  janasrandomwriting.blogspot.com                

Botox or Breezers?

I was playing pick-up hockey with my 40-something friend, Lynne.  During a break she told me of a recent visit to the dermatologist who mentioned that Botox would help her look younger. Intrigued, she asked how much it would cost and he said about a thousand a year.  Her response?  "Getting rid of the wrinkles would be great, but, for my thousand dollars, I thought about how much new hockey equipment I would rather buy!"

Size Matters

I'm going to relate a story from January '07, the third warmest on Minnesota record. The temps had been in the 50's(F) (10C), and a friend I played indoor hockey with said, "Our backyard rink is a goner, I guess you've lost yours, too." Well, I hadn't and the St. Paul newspaper came over to take pictures as ours was apparently the only rink in town.  The writer found out that my grandmother (around 1917), mother, my daughters and me all play(ed) hockey so he decided to angle the story that way and called it "Ice Princesses."  The story went on to describe the Patrick women's 'secrets' to keeping a rink going through a thaw while enjoying T-shirt-weather hockey.  

Our neighbor, Mark's, wife called saying he wanted her to come over and see if our rink was for real.  His own rink was mush, and he was so mad that he wouldn't let his kids see the newspaper story, telling his wife, "Not only do the Patrick's have ICE, but it's a CHICK RINK!!!"

Naturally I sent him an autographed copy of the article with a note attached:  "I heard you are envious of our 'chick rink.'  Next year try using a hose instead of your penis--that water is much too warm.  Yours Truly, The Ice Princess."

Over a week went by until he finally called and Steve answered.  Mark asked, "Is the Ice Princess in?"
Steve laughed and said, "No, but since she hasn't heard from you yet, she thought maybe she had gone a little too far..."
Mark said, "There are two reasons I haven't called until now.  First of all, I knew she wanted me to.  Secondly, I didn't have ice yet--but now I do!  And tell her MY rink is bigger than HER rink!"

So, I guess size DOES matter, and when I saw his rink, it looked good and the ice was very...white.

PS--secrets to keeping a rink going in warm weather:  Locating it in a shady area helps.  Use a white liner to reflect the warm sun.  Leave ice shavings on to reflect the sun, rather than shoveling, if you know the next day will be warm.  If it really warms up, then snows on top of a mushy rink, wait until freezing temps again before walking on it or shoveling it--it will clean up beautifully.  Use a hose instead of a penis.
©1/2013  Jana B Patrick,  janasrandomwriting.blogspot.com