Fruit Cake

While randomly searching the archives of a library, I came across a dusty tome from the 1770’s!  Inscribed on the front in quill pen was the word “SHRED;” but it had survived!  It holds minutes of meetings from around the time of the American Revolution!! 

Page 171 shows Patrick Henry’s famous December 1775 speech, and astonishingly, it has been altered from the original by (embarrassed?) historians!  The notes show that he actually said to Martha Washington (It was her turn to bring treats to the meeting) “Give me liberty or give me death, but DON’T give me no more fruitcake!”  …Amazing.  

And the Boston ‘Tea’ Party?  HA!  It was in reality 15 tons of—you guessed it—FRUITCAKE!!!  “You're darn tooting that King George will know WE mean business when he hears about THIS!” quipped John Hancock on page 234, "And we’ll call it ‘The Boston Fruitcake Party!’”  “Ya know,” broke in John Adams, “the harbor is really starting to fester; let’s dump in some tea bags to soak it up.” Ergo the historical mistake.

…Page 305 tells how George Washington thought we should be nicknamed 'The Great Melting Pot.’  “No!!”  Thomas Paine vehemently shouted, "It's only COMMON SENSE that we be called ’THE GREAT FRUITCAKE!!!’   “Don’t even go there, Tom,” Washington interrupted, “That would only encourage Martha to bake more of the vile things—they're so tough on the molars…I’m the boss, so ‘Melting Pot’ it is and that’s final, and this meeting is adjourned.  Harumphhh.”

I’m reading all of this and thinking ‘mini series,’ and just as I turn the last brittle page, the book crumbles and turns to dust.  I wonder if people will believe me?  Hollywood will.
©12/2002  Jana B Patrick