Don't Let the (Dead) Cat Out of the Bag!

Guest Blog by Greg Malm

     Recently a couple of women left a local mall in our Iowa town with two shopping bags.   As they approached their car, they came upon a dead, semi-flattened cat.  Being compassionate, they moved their purchases into one bag, and scooped the dead cat into the other bag.  Their plan was to take it to the Humane Society for proper disposal.

     Since the lunch hour was upon them, and shopping tends to create a hunger that can satisfy no woman, they left the cat bag on top of the trunk and went into Bishops Buffet just inside the mall. Piling their plates high, they then sat near the front window.

     The friends noticed a middle aged woman approaching the trunk.  Her neck took on almost demonic 360 degree flexibility as she whipped her head around to see if anyone was looking.  Quickly she snatched the bag and headed toward the mall entrance.  The thief immediately turned into Bishops, and headed toward the food line helping herself to generous portions.  As fate would have it, she sat near the cat friendly pair.

     After a few bites of her gravy slathered food, she decided to peak and see what sort of prize she had collected.  She instantly began to hyperventilate.  She gasped, “I think I am having a heart attack” and fell to the floor.  

     Paramedics arrived shortly, did heart palpitations, and, it is rumored, even used the paddles on this catty woman.  Once stable, they strapped her to a gurney.  One of the paramedics noticed the lady had left her shopping bag on the floor.   As they wheeled the semi-conscious patient out the door, he gently placed the  bag on top of her chest...

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     Locally, this story began to spread with each person claiming they knew the person it happened to.  I for one got the same story from two different people.  As it turns out…this story has been around for about 100 years….Grand Blogger, Jana, did her thing and checked the story.  Turns out I was duped and the story is a hoax.  Even so, I have told it several times…including as an ice breaker in a business meeting, and everyone howled with laughter.  Thanks for reading.           I won’t tell anyone if you won't.
Greg Malm                   ©7/2011  by Gregory Malm