Shock and Awe

This is a piece I wrote after meeting Maurice LuVell (not his real name) at Enterprise Rental Car in Phoenix in November ‘08… (He was fun; inclined to shock and awe. His fingers would hover above the keyboard ready to write up my rental transaction, then drop down as he went off on another crazy tangent.  I decided to put his words and ideas into the following 'poem'.

 Welcome!  I’m Maurice LuVell and I excel at  taking care of you well.

Hey! You’re from Minnesota where Tom Petters had no iota he’d gone over his quota-

You know you’d  steal a million dollars if you could.

“I wouldn't.” You would!  You knoooooow  you would!

Most Brothers take a shot to steal the pot until they stupidly get caught.

Not me! I know when to stop.

What? No, I don’t blush when I tell you this stuff!

‘Cause we see our mom and dad having sex before we’re six.

And we’re used to conflicts with pricks with short wicks…

Living so close gives you a dose of things that are gross;

Dead bodies and guns, cops hosing off blood ‘til it’s over and done.

“Soooo,” (trying new terrain:) “You like Arizona’s McCain?” 

McCain?  A white  pain! Not my  senator, I abstain!

Now, Obama—he’s my Dali Lama—oh mama!

---You're looking at my butt!

“I wasn't!”  Oh, yes you were, you knooooow you were!

You’re inclined to think its fine—a bit divine! Should see it supine!

You’re blushing alright! I’m not so uptight as folks that are white!

 (His arrogant song is far too long.  I should be gone!  But he goes on:) 

I Paid too much child support—made this rich man short;

So I quit Goldman Sachs—earned six figures pre-tax!  

Hiding the money from my ex-honey lets me live in a sunny

Gated community with immunity and equal opportunity!

I’ll tell you about my neighbors—drop some names.  I like to play that game.

Working here?  Keeps my golf days clear for courses premier!

(Maurice will not cease his pompous press release.  I need some peace!) 

“Now, Maurice, about that car…”

Hey! I can give you upgrades with gas pre-paid-- or more  personal accolades—

Have I bragged about the winner kids I’ve made?

(Forty minutes of this stuff!   Renting a car shouldn't be so tough!  I've had enough!)
©2008  Jana B Patrick