Size Matters

I'm going to relate a story from January '07, the third warmest on Minnesota record. The temps had been in the 50's(F) (10C), and a friend I played indoor hockey with said, "Our backyard rink is a goner, I guess you've lost yours, too." Well, I hadn't and the St. Paul newspaper came over to take pictures as ours was apparently the only rink in town.  The writer found out that my grandmother (around 1917), mother, my daughters and me all play(ed) hockey so he decided to angle the story that way and called it "Ice Princesses."  The story went on to describe the Patrick women's 'secrets' to keeping a rink going through a thaw while enjoying T-shirt-weather hockey.  

Our neighbor, Mark's, wife called saying he wanted her to come over and see if our rink was for real.  His own rink was mush, and he was so mad that he wouldn't let his kids see the newspaper story, telling his wife, "Not only do the Patrick's have ICE, but it's a CHICK RINK!!!"

Naturally I sent him an autographed copy of the article with a note attached:  "I heard you are envious of our 'chick rink.'  Next year try using a hose instead of your penis--that water is much too warm.  Yours Truly, The Ice Princess."

Over a week went by until he finally called and Steve answered.  Mark asked, "Is the Ice Princess in?"
Steve laughed and said, "No, but since she hasn't heard from you yet, she thought maybe she had gone a little too far..."
Mark said, "There are two reasons I haven't called until now.  First of all, I knew she wanted me to.  Secondly, I didn't have ice yet--but now I do!  And tell her MY rink is bigger than HER rink!"

So, I guess size DOES matter, and when I saw his rink, it looked good and the ice was very...white.

PS--secrets to keeping a rink going in warm weather:  Locating it in a shady area helps.  Use a white liner to reflect the warm sun.  Leave ice shavings on to reflect the sun, rather than shoveling, if you know the next day will be warm.  If it really warms up, then snows on top of a mushy rink, wait until freezing temps again before walking on it or shoveling it--it will clean up beautifully.  Use a hose instead of a penis.
©1/2013  Jana B Patrick,  janasrandomwriting.blogspot.com