The Tattoos Blues

I thought about getting a tattoo and wanted it significant in scope. So, having lived directly east or west of it all my life, I had the whole Mississippi River tattooed on the back of my legs—from its humble beginnings in Lake Itasca, thru lock and dam #1, all the way to the Mississippi Delta just below the knees—all major tributaries represented of course.  Now, you may notice that I rarely show these pieces of art. Just imagine my audible gasp when the tattoo artist handed me the mirror. They look astonishingly like varicose veins!--All that time, money and pain --down the river…

Seriously, if I were going to do a tattoo, it would have to be practical—like putting “codeine allergy” on my wrist.  I wear a medical ID bracelet for that reason.  It would make sense for me to have this tattoo because from wear and tear my ID bracelet is scuffed beyond belief.  If I was to pass out and the paramedic tried to read it, she might shout, “She’s allergic to…scuff marks!!!  Get her off that dirty floor!!

The problem with getting the codeine tattoo is that I know I would pass out from pain after the letter “C.”  So when I failed to regain consciousnes, the tattoo artist might call 911.  The next paramedic might say to his partner, “I’ll check if she got any allergies—Looks like she got a “C” on her wrist—prolly for ‘Cold’ hahaha, prolly'll be a cold stiff  if we can’t figger this out!  Can’t ask the tattoo dude-- he don’t speak English so good.  She's prolly in lots of pain; hook her up to one of them codeine drips…”

So you see, I guess my only solution is that next August I will have my ‘State Fair Special’ medical ID bracelet re-engraved.  I best be careful until then.     
…And any new art will be put on the walls.  ©2011, Jana B. Patrick