Physical Terrorists

I broke my wrist skating in October.  A young guy, Knight, on a hockey team I was subbing for also got injured.  He REALLY loves hockey and is using every rationalization he can think of to get back on the ice.   He cracked me up when commiserating about his Physical Therapy experience.  With a torn ACL in the knee, 6 months recuperation is standard before lacing up the skates again.  He was 'upset' when his therapist didn't go along with his suggestion that 6 weeks was enough.  (And this is his second time wrecking that knee---)  Here are some of his comments:

“For PT, I go to Dr. Mengele’s House of Pain.  My therapists:  Dream Crusher, Dream Slayer, Pain Bringer, Dr. NO, Iron Maiden…Need more names?  There’s a better one I can’t print.

“Their pain isn’t so much physical as the mental anguish. They set you up and then pull the rug out from under you.  ‘Yes, Mr. Jenson, you can play sled hockey—it looks safe…On second thought, no.  So sorry.  Have a nice day.  Want to make a donation, though, for disabled kids that can play?’  I wanted to try curling, but the Dream Crusher PT lady killed that idea.  Maybe I’m doomed to bowling…no, I guess NOT; Dr. NO says that causes lateral motion across the knee. They suggest I take up painting...

“You see?! That’s the problem with the health care industry.  They think THEY know best and they take all your money.  I’d be fine playing now and having fun.  My knee feels great, I’d have pads on, I’m careful, and lucky.” (Did I mention this is his second ACL tear?)  “In fact, playing hockey would make me heal faster.”  (Good try!)

He should quit his job and become a health care reform lobbyist for disgruntled athletes.

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I gave him a preview of the above blog and here is his rebuttal:

“You didn’t really write it in the best way to endear sympathy from the readers.  This disturbs me.  We’ll have to work on that.  Here are the items in my defense:

1.     It wasn’t 6 weeks until I requested to skate again, it was as much as 46 days.

2.    Yes, it’s my second ACL tear, but did you know it isn’t a complete tear?  I still had a few fibers left this time.

3.  . (Some arbitrary statement in my defense goes here.  I’ll insert it when I think of it.)"

Okay, okay, I think this hockey junkie IS actually ready to play.  At least for the stick handling part—his car got stuck in the 17” snowstorm we just got blasted with and, when the curved shovel didn’t fit under the car, he was “finally able to free myself with..... a hockey stick, of course!  Gosh I love the sport!”

Speak softly and carry a big (hockey) stick.
©2011, Jana B. Patrick