Only At the Fair...

           

Our daughter, Lauren, says the Minnesota State Fair is an oasis for kids on leashes and people with 'muffin tops'(where gravity helps belly fat uniformly settle over one's waistband).
People Watching is right behind Pigging Out at any state fair.

Steve recalls that while our family was partaking in some fair fare when the kids were little, a man walked by and laughed, "...Only at the State Fair would a family be eating food right next to an overflowing, fly infested, reeking garbage can..."

In addition to the usual grease-based Heart-Attacks-on-a Stick,  here is a list of some of this year's weirder State Fair foods:
Deep Fried Kool-Aid Balls (California) (What's in the Kool Aid, CA?...Next year's treat will be Deep Fried Medical Marijuana Balls)
Deep Fried Butter and Deep Fried Coke (Texas) Disgusting
Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger With Chocolate Covered Bacon (Wisconsin)
Fudge Covered Scorpion, Mealworm Covered Candied Apples, Deep Fried Crickets, and Smoked Lizards in BBQ Sauce (Arizona)
Elvis on a Stick--Reeses dipped in banana batter and deep fried.  (Wisconsin)
(If Wisconsin decides to use one of their own famous citizens as inspiration--
Ed Gein or Jeffrey Dahmer--steer clear.)       ©2011  Jana B Patrick

Arizona:  Recycling in the extermination industry.

Busiest time of the day at the Minnesota State Fair.  Notice how many folks are at the Spam booth...

California:  PG 13 Deep Fried Frog Butts

Arizona:  Tastes like...popcorn.

Minnesota:  Deep fried pigs ear strips.
Just like Mom used to make.

Check this out:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz_xE_VP0ig
Seriously?  I thought I was making it up... http://www.marijuana.com/cooking-marijuana-recipes/5269-deep-fried-cannaballs-2.html

Like a Bat Out of Hell

     An obnoxiously loud colony of bats has taken up illegal residence under our cabin. It likely is a maternity colony.  
     Many extol the virtues of these furry little flying mammals and, in trying to grasp the attraction and be positive about this experience, I read up on the flea infested, pestilential, disease-carrying blood suckers.  Bats' diets can consist of fruits, flowers, leaves, insects, frogs and ...the blood of vertebrates. The menu all sounds rather fluffy until that last item.  It would be the equivalent of a human browsing the fare at a little French cafe:  "Hmmmm, I'll have some of those yummy sounding eclairs, a few cream puffs, some foie gras and wash it all down with a B Positive martini."


     We are trying to ascertain how to successfully evict the bat mommies and their bat babies into the cold, cruel world. Some window screen material has been placed over the entry point stapled just at the top so a door flap is created--they can push it out when leaving but cannot lift it to get back to their adorable offspring; apparently an exit ramp of a nylon stocking with the foot cut out will do the same trick.  One Internet site has many patrons swearing to the efficacy of strobe lights--I guess it drives them...batty.  Another suggestion is very loud noise. So, when we go up this weekend, I am bringing the Halloween strobe, a disco ball, and will blast some Bee Gee's music--with any luck, the bats will dance 'The Hustle' right out of the cabin.
©2011  Jana B Patrick


P.S.  UPDATE:  The screen worked--they have flown the coop!!!

Hooked on All Creatures Great and Small

     Lauren is 21!  We spent her significant birthday on a fishing trip.  She loved it and wants to live up in the Canadian wilderness. As a little girl, she wore a baseball hat with a stuffed fabric fish on it.  "The fishys in the lake will see my hat and say, 'Oh! There is Friend Walleye!' And they will want me to catch them so that they can be his friend!"  At that young age, actually removing a fish from the hook and filleting it would have required intense grief counseling. She loved and collected frogs, lizards, turtles, spiders (until dreaming about them one night) and any other living creature found around our home in the woods.  Once, she got a new lizard anole which quickly died (after the old one--Mr. Anole-- bit it's head off) Sad seven year old Lauren sobbed and sobbed, "Poor Mrs. Anole!  And poor Toachie! (a turtle that had died the year before) And then she wailed, "And POOR, POOR SANDY!" (her Dad's childhood dog...who died 35 years previously!)
     I remember pulling off a slimy leech that had lodged securely between her toes while swimming.  I flung it out into the grass.  Mistake.  She cried out, "Mom! Go find it!  It will die if it doesn't get back into the water!" Then she spent the afternoon searching the grass in case anyone else had flung leeches that needed rescuing.
     Tonight Lauren fried up our Canadian walleye and washed it down with a purchase from her inaugural trip to the liquor store:  'Black Toad dark ale.'
     Happy birthday, sweetie!
©2011  Jana B Patrick


http://www.lostislandlodge.com/ Lost Island Lodge, Ontario, Canada

Kids Say the Darndest Things

     We just said goodbye to my niece, Chrissy, and her four kids after a six week visit from Tuscon.  Suddenly the house is eerily silent and the abandoned Monopoly game looks lonely.
     I had taken the two youngest to the park so Chrissy could pack.  The six year old, Katie, had to relieve herself NOW and did so discreetly behind a stone wall. She then wanted me to hold her up so she could do some towering monkey bars.  I had to hold onto her thighs so she could reach so high and told her it was too tippy to do it again.  She grinned slyly, "Do you think you would do it again if you didn't have to hold onto my wet skirt?"  Soggy is a better description.  We did it again.
     About three weeks ago, Abby, 3, looked up and observed, "There's our airplane.  It will have to stop when we need to get on."  I certainly hope the pilot refueled.
     I miss them already.
©2011  Jana B Patrick

Magic Carpet Ride!

     Ever since Ryan graduated from high school back in 2004, I've been telling people, "Oh, you can leave your shoes on, we're getting new carpet!"  I thought we'd first get through his graduation party, but then there were hockey parties, New Year's Eve parties, family gatherings etc. and suddenly it was Lauren's grad party in 2009 and Alana's in 2010--each time, each event I would say the same thing.
     After 17 years, WE FINALLY DID IT!!!  We love the new carpet--it's such a breath of fresh air--well, actually that 'new-carpet-smell' is formaldehyde off-gassing--   but STILL!!    Given our past history of putting off re-carpeting, I thought it would make practical sense to get dirt colored carpet this time--our Dakota County dirt is a nice brownish-clay color so it looks GREAT!  Also, if the dog has an accident, it's in the same color family.
     Sooooo, (after disregarding that last comment about the dog) if you visit, please take off your shoes!!!
©2011  Jana B Patrick

Random German Musings

     To my followers in Germany, thanks for reading!  I have a question for you. Yours is such a guttural language--how would one woo someone there?  " I love you and want to spend the rest of my life worshiping you,"  translates to: "Ich liebe euch und mochte den rest meinew lebens verbringen sie niederzuwerfen"  Sadly, this is NOT lovely or romantic. In fact, it sounds like one is discussing a carburetor.
Never mind the spit flying.
     Germany, however, is a lovely country which I visited with my friend Dianne when we were 22.  I still have a glass mug from the Hofbraeuhaus in Munich.  I still feel guilty about this theft.  We tied our sweaters around our waists with the large mugs tucked inside and held another mug out in front of us.  As anticipated, the decoys were confiscated as we whisked through the door while retaining our prizes.  How many mugs are absconded each year? How many people still feel guilty after 33 years? Maybe I should return mine in person...
     Getting to Munich in the first place had been...interesting.  We were in northern Germany and heard that Munich was way down south somewhere and decided to get there via a boat travelling down the Rhine River. One meets a lot of people while travelling thru Europe and this cruise proved no exception.  When our new friends asked us our destination, they looked confused and asked why we were traveling DOWN river.  Apparently the Rhine flows NORTH...away from Munich...eight hours away in our case.  A map was not part of our belongings and we realized after getting home that we had zigzagged all over Europe.
I'm sure glad Deutschland happened to be in our way!         ©2011  Jana B Patrick

©8/2011  Jana B Patrick